Sunday, January 12, 2014

Weirdest Lyrics of 2013: "S***" by Future

First off, yes, that's the actual name of the song. Not only that, but the chorus rhymes the titular word with itself four times. Second off, Future, who normally sounds like he's drowning because of auto tune, decided to sing this song without out. Consequently, he sounds like he's dehydrated and gasping for breath. Third, and most importantly, the song's title is quite apt because the song itself is about the typical mainstream rap topics: swag, bitches, money, hoes, drugs, cars, and partying at the club. None of these things are the weird lyrics of this song, though. Those are at the start of the first verse:
"Bought the ho a hunned pair of red bottoms
That's a quarter milly on a hand job my nigga"
I'm sure you can figure out what's wrong with this picture. If you haven't, isn't it obvious? "Nigga" does not even remotely rhyme with "bottoms." Seriously, there's slant rhyming and then there's just not even trying. To be fair, whenever a line ends in "bottoms" there's a good chance that the songwriter wasn't planning out the rhyme scheme ahead of time because most rappers will resort to slant or forced rhyming after a line like that. Even so, that's still better than just not trying to rhyme it at all.

And also, $250,000 FUCKING DOLLARS FOR A HAND JOB!?!?! 

Jesus Christ, I thought the 19-year-old girl from Queens who spent over $2100 on a designer handbag  was wasting her money. This? I mean...what the fuck!? Who spends that much money for someone to fondle his five-iron? Certainly not Future, because he doesn't actually have that many hit songs. He's a millionaire, but he's not an uber-rich rap superstar like Lil Wayne or Jay Z. There's no way he can afford to blow $250k on schlong massages.

What else does he spend his money on? "Yo, I spent a half milly on a lap dance and a full three milly on my Lamborghini, bitch! Yo, my swag clothes cost me fifty grand, muthfucka!"

Something this ridiculous just can't be made up.

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