Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Sarah Palin spoke at Liberty University: Hilarity ensued

Okay, this is just too good. Sarah Palin, who by now is entering her 3rd hour of her fifteen minutes of fame, spoke at Liberty University to promote her third book, Good Tidings and Great Joy: Protecting the Heart of Christmas. Try reading that title without thinking of Tina Fey doing her Sarah Palin voice. You can't do it, can you?

Since Liberty University was founded by Jerry Falwell, you can probably guess that it's a Religious Right college. And if you couldn't guess just based on that fact, than you definately can based on the fact that the people in charge of that institution though that inviting Sarah Palin over to speak was a good idea. Here's a tip guys: Just because someone agrees with the message you're trying to sell to young people doesn't mean that inviting them over to speak to those people is a good idea.

One of the "highlights" of the speech was this nugget of wisdom where Miss Palin proceeds to display her inability to structure her sentences properly:

“If you lose that foundation, John Adams was implicitly warning us, then we will not follow our constitution, there will be no reason to follow our constitution because it is a moral and religious people who understand that there is something greater than self, we are to live selflessly, and we are to be held accountable by our creator, so that is what our constitution is based on, so those revisionists, those in the lamestream media, especially, who would want to ignore what our founders actually thought, felt and wrote about in our charters of liberty – well, that’s why I call them the lamestream media,” Palin said. 
How does she manage to say so much and yet not say anything at all? Seriously, she is an expert at that. It really looked like there might have been an actual point that her words were leading up to--but it's like she forgot what that point was at last minute and just ended with a cute, "well, that's why I call them the lamestream media. Tee hee, tee hee." I'm not sure who told Palin that that phrase was clever…but they were wrong.

There's plenty of other gems in this speech, by the way:

“He would recognize those who would want to try to ignore that Jesus is the reason for the season, those who would want to try to abort Christ from Christmas,” she said. “He would recognize that, for the most part, these are angry atheists armed with an attorney. They are not the majority of Americans.”

Did you see what she did there? She could have said that atheists want to remove Christ from Christmas, but no, she said that atheists want to ABORT Christ from Christmas. That was a clever reference to abortion, a very hot-button topic. Ooh, Miss Palin is being edgy right now!

Most of her speech was the usual religious right platitudes and cliches, but there is one special moment in her speech. She mentions Thomas Jefferson, who grew up in Virginia, and tries to pander to the people of Virginia. This is the result:

“Thomas Jefferson and his thinking, I believe that much of it fundamentally came from this area, having spent his summers here, having spent influential years here, two miles away from Liberty University,” Palin said. “Man, there’s something in the water, perhaps, around here – again you are fortunate you get to taste it.”

 That's right. There's something in the water. Virginia has a very special form of water that Thomas Jefferson drank from. That water is Liquid Liberty. If you live in Virginia, every time you take a drink of water, you are tasting the very essence of freedom itself. 

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