|He also used the wrong form of "their."|
This can't have been a typo. How do you miss the "e" key by four keys?
"Look, you wait till they get to be 20-years-old--the only picking that's gonna take place is in your pocket. You gotta marry these girls when they're about 15 or 16."This video is actually from a few years ago, before Duck Dynasty started airing. So it wasn't a publicity stunt to keep the controversy going. I think anyone who's on Phil Robertson's side at this point needs to get their brain checked to see if their synapses have misfired.
"The best of the public is better than a group of experts."Andrew Schlafly: Sarah Palin's soul-mate, ladies and gentlemen.
"The simple fact is that some of the precursors of Jesus did know what they were doing," Schlafly points out, proving that, "Jesus might never have said it at all."I going to bet that this line of logic only applies to things Andy doesn't agree with.
"Thorn allegedly told Busby she would cleanse the money and return it to him within four hours, along with dolls to represent the man and the woman.
Finishing the ritual involved placing the box under the marital bed and saying prayers, the petition states.
The money and the box were given to Thorn at 5 PM on December 6, but had not been returned to Busby when the suit was filed ten days later, the petition states."This guy is seeking $1 million in damages. Since we live in a first-world country, there is actually a not-insignificant chance of him getting $1 million for being a gullible idiot. Seriously. If you're going to spend thousands of dollars on something like this, thinking it was actually going to help with your relationship troubles, you might have to shoulder just a little bit of the blame for getting scammed. I kind of think that even if this guy hadn't met this alleged "psychic," he still probably would have ended up getting scammed when he received that e-mail from the Nigerian Prince.
You can be stopped by the police for biking over 65 miles per hourWell, you can't knock the traffic cops for strictly enforcing highway safety.
It is illegal to discharge a firearm from a public highwayIf this is deter drive-by shootings, I don't think that the people who commit such acts are strict followers of laws.
In order for a pickle to be officially considered a pickle, it must bounce.Hear that, Connecticut pickle salesmen? Make your pickles meet their buoyancy quota before selling them.
In Hartford, you may not educate dogs.They must never have knowledge lest they one day try to overthrow us.
In New Britain, it is illegal for fire trucks to exceed 25 mph, even when going to a fire.Traffic safety trumps house safety in this town it seems.
In Southington, Silly String is banned.I hear there was a serial killer in the area who used silly string to strangle his victims to death. Clearly banning silly string was the correct solution to this problem.
"In December 1955, Rosa Parks took a stand against an unjust societal persecution of black people, and in December 2013, Robertson took a stand against the persecution of Christians."
O'Reilly: You know what? Mr. Weinstein, you just--and with all due respect to your parents--are just a bloviator. You don't answer questions and I'll tell you what: I covered four wars with a pen!
Weinstein: You're an aggressive bully and an arrogant idiot!
O'Reilly: …Cut him off, he's a jerk! I covered four wars with a pen, OK, Mr. Weinstein? So don't impugn my courage ever again! You're a weasel.I don't think the "War on Christmas" or the "War on Tradition" count as actual wars, Mr. O'Reilly.
One may not mutilate a rock in state parkThis law was passed after much arm-twisting by the Stonepeace, the state's inflexible Rocks' Rights activist group.
It is illegal to ride a horse while under the influenceDoing so can result it in Eqqus Ferus Caballular Manslaughter.
Car dealers may not show cars on Sundays.This is the weirdest blue law I've ever heard of. Is showing cars somehow conflicting with your duty to keep the Sabbath holy? As long as you're not doing it before 12 Noon, you should be fine.
Tags may be ripped off of pillows and mattressesGood. It's nice to see that Colorado is one of the few states where children will never have to suffer traumatic dreams of the cops coming to get them for accidentally ripping off those tags.
Throwing missiles at cars is illegalBetter makes sure it's a truck before you throw a missile at it
Persons may not urinate in publicJust in case you missed the part about that being against the public indecency laws of all 50 states. Except perhaps Florida. You never know with that state…
In Aspen, catapults may not be fired at buildingsMan, I've heard some crazy stories about the things the tourists do, but I've never heard of them trying to turn Aspen into a Medieval Battlefield. They must get really drunk.
In Denver, it is unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next door neighborPerhaps this is a way of cracking down on drug dealers? I hear they've been known to hide cocaine inside the bags.
In Boulder, it is legal to challenge a police officer, but only until he or she asks you to stopI would imagine it wouldn't take long for that question to pop up.
California prison workers will no longer be able to have sex with inmatesThey just made this illegal recently? Was it a common occurrence for the guards and the inmates to bump uglies? Were the prison wardens going through a mid-life crisis and decided that they needed a little danger in their sex lives?
You may only throw a frisbee at the beach in Los Angeles County with the lifeguard's permission.Some kid must have been hit with a frisbee and got knocked out and then drowned in a foot of water when none of the hundreds of other people on the beach tried to rescue him. I think the lawmakers misdiagnosed the problem on that one.
No vehicle without a driver may exceed 60 miles per hourRemember kids, if you want to go for a ride without a driver, keep it at 55.
In San Jose and Sunnyvale it is illegal for grocery stores to provide plastic bagsThe Paper Bag Gestapo must be very strict about enforcing this law.
Sunshine is guaranteed to the massesI guess the people in the LA Region don't know that the state of California extends further north than Fresno.
In Blythe, you are not permitted to wear cowboy boots unless you own at least two cowsSome lawmakers are way too literal minded.
In Burlingame, it is illegal to spit, except on baseball diamondsWell, baseball is our national pastime. I don't mean to be hyperbolic, but if they didn't include that provision, they'd be fascists.
In Arcadia, peacocks have the right of way to cross any street, including driveways.Appalling. They give that right to peacocks, but not to flamingoes? What makes the peacocks so special?
"This may be controversial to say…"The words "controversial" and "moronic" are not synonyms. Please reconsult your thesaurus.
"The media are crucifying Phil Robertson…"Yes, that's exactly what they're doing. Criticizing some lead-skull for his idiotic comments is just like being nailed to a cross. It's just like how cruel the media are to Sarah Palin. I mean, it's like the Holocaust, amirite?
"If Phil were a Muslim…"Ok, I'm not even going to finish that quote, and for two reasons. Number one, you can see on the full quote on the picture up above. And number two, it's a non-sequitur. More precisely, it's the non-sequitur used by the MRC on a regular basis. It relies on a straw man of their political opponents to work. It shouldn't work for them, but it does. The reason it does is because the people who are fans of the Media Research Center are often the same people who are fans of Sarah Palin, who are fans of witless unfunny "comedians" like Greg Gutfeld, who think that sites like Breitbart and the Drudge Report are examples of honest journalism. It works because it reinforces their narrow worldview, one defined by a partisan lens. It requires no critical thinking; it's quick and easy to digest. It's preaching to the choir at its finest.
"Like if you KNOW it's true."It's got thousands of likes. The Media Research Center is one of the most popular right-wing media organizations. Brent Bozell founded it in 1987, about a decade before political blogs started. Hell, even a year before Rush Limbaugh started! It's gathered quite a fan base since 1987. Like the fans of Rush Limbaugh or Sarah Palin, the fans of the MRC are sheep. They "know" it's "true" because they've convinced themselves it was true. They "know" it's "true" because they visit the MRC every day and are constantly told it's true. They "know" it's "true" because they've trained themselves not to think critically, to hear only what they want to hear, to listen only to what they want to listen to, to believe only what they want to believe.
Under WASP hegemony, corruption, scandal and incompetence in high places weren't, as now, regular features of public life. Under WASP rule, stability, solidity, gravity and a certain weight and aura of seriousness suffused public life. As a ruling class, today's new meritocracy has failed to provide the positive qualities that older generations of WASPs provided.Wow, so there was no Tweed Ring? No Credit Mobilier of America Scandal? No Whiskey Ring? No Oregon Land Fraud Scandal? No Teapot Dome Scandal? No Gilded Age, the period from the 1870s to the 1890s that had some of the worst incidences of corruption in American history, and also the period in which the WASPs dominated American culture with an iron fist? Really?
Yeah, because the WASPs never ever engaged in any sort of unethical or selfish scheme, nor where they ever unconcerned about their clients or country. They certainly never put their own desires first no matter what. The owners of the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory clearly had the safety and well-being of their workers in mind, all of whom were most definitely adults. No one ever put their kids with disabilities into poor houses because they were embarrassed by them back in the good ol--oh wait, they did do that. All. The Fucking. Time!
It's strictly prohibited to pronounce "Arkansas" incorrectlyDid you hear that? It's not just prohibited, it's strictly prohibited. Correct state pronunciation is serious business, apparently. Pronounce it as "Are-Kansas" and get ready to head for the hills!
A man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a monthJesus Christ, not even Mississippi allows that. Seriously Arkansas, if Mississippi is ahead of you socially, than there's some changes that need to happen ASAP!
Alligators may not be kept in bathtubsJust out of curiosity, how big are those bathtubs? How would you fit an alligator in a regular sized bathtub? I imagine this law was made based on some sort of hypothetical scenario.
Honking one's car horn at a sandwich shop after 9 PM is against the lawWhy just a sandwich shop? I can see that the point of this kind of law is to keep the peace and respect the people who are sleeping, but it's only illegal if it's at a sandwich shop? That seems needlessly arbitrary.
Flirtation between men and women on the streets of Little Rock may result in a 30-day jail termLittle Rock, Arkansas. Boldly looking ahead to the 19th Century.
Dogs may not bark after 6 PMWell, my dog would be a hardcore outlaw if we lived in Little Rock, huh.
It is unlawful to walk one's cow down Main Street after 1 PM on SundayIf someone walks their cow down Main Street during the weekdays, there's no cause for alarm. Walking cows down the main throughway of a city of almost 200k is a regular occurrence, I'm sure. They're probably very useful for helping the blind navigate.
It is unlawful to refuse a person a glass of waterI'm sure this law will be helpful to you if you're in the desert in the middle summer miles from civilization. Anyone you ask for water has to give it to you. And of course there are plenty of people in the middle of the desert at--oh wait.
There is a possible 25 years in prison for cutting down a cactusApparently, cacti are endangered species and this law was created to protect them. Strange. Arizona's not normally the kind of state you'd expect to have hardcore Green Party activists in their legislature.
Hunting camels is prohibitedBecause camels are a well-known native species of Arizona. Almost as well known as the lions of the neighboring state of New Mexico.
It is illegal to manufacture imitation cocaineAs opposed to actual cocaine? Seriously, that law doesn't mention anything about real cocaine. All the celebrities and teenage runaways should stop wasting their time with Los Angeles, clearly a three-hour drive to the east is where it's at!
Donkeys cannot sleep in bathtubsAnother well-known native species of Arizona, the donkey. I guess the sinks are fair game?
When being attacked by a criminal or burglar, you may only protect yourself with the same weapon that the other person possesses.If the burglar has a Desert Eagle, you better make sure that you're using a Desert Eagle as well or it's off to the slammer with you!
While it is legal to shoot bears, waking a sleeping bear for the purpose of taking a photograph is prohibited.I don't think this needs to be a law. I think Natural Selection will take of anyone who ever had that brilliant idea.
It is considered an offense to push a live moose out of a moving airplaneJust out of curiosity, how big of an "offense" would this be? Would it just be a misdemeanor? Would you get a $25 fine and a slap on the wrist? "Oh, I'm sorry about this officer, but you know these kids just like to have fun. Smashing mailboxes, TPing houses, aerial moose punting, the usual!" Or would it be a felony? Also, I like how the law makes sure to mention that it's a moving airplane. Apparently the good folks at the Alaska Department of Law are cool with people pushing live moose out of stationary airplanes! Why, it must be a fun pastime!
No one may tie their pet dog to the roof of a carDamn, Mitt Romney would have some 'splainin' to do if he lived there.
A person may only carry a concealed slingshot if that person has received the appropriate licenseA license for carrying slingshots? I tell you, this is the socialist nanny state gone amuck. What right does some group of big government bureaucrats have to tell us when we can and can't carry a slingshot? This is just the beginning, I tell you. Soon they'll ban slingshots entirely. That's how all the famous dictators came to power. Hitler, Stalin, Mao…the first thing they did was take away our slingshots! I know that this information is true because I just posted it on the internet. And everything on the internet is true. If it wasn't true before, it's true now. Also Obama is Cthulhu.
Bear wrestling matches are prohibitedHere's the text of that law. Was there some sort of epidemic of illegal bear-fighting rings back in the days when Alabama was part of the Yazoo lands? Were they part of the Yazoo Land Scandal? The world may never now.
You must have windshield wipers on your carAs opposed to on your…bicycle? And why wouldn't you have them on your car? Alabama isn't known for its lack of precipitation.
It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicleI would hope there wasn't some sort of driving while blindfolded craze in Alabama back in the day that necessitated the creation of this law!
It is considered an offense to open an umbrella on a street, for fear of spooking horsesOdds are that when this law become obsolete, you probably weren't born yet. Alabama is behind the times socially, not technologically.
Incestuous marriages are illegalWell, I guess this means we have to retire a certain stereotype, huh?
Dominoes may not be played on SundayBut apparently drag racing is A-OK! In all seriousness, dominoes is clearly a gateway drug to greater evils such as Bingo. Watch out for it.
Although objectification theory suggests that women frequently experience the objectifying gaze with many adverse consequences, there is scant research examining the nature and causes of the objectifying gaze for perceivers. The main purpose of this work was to examine the objectifying gaze toward women via eye tracking technology...Consistent with our main hypothesis, we found that participants focused on women’s chests and waists more and faces less when they were appearance-focused (vs. personality-focused). Moreover, we found that this effect was particularly pronounced for women with high (vs. average and low) ideal body shapes in line with hypotheses"This is all the information form the report that Howley cities. The rest of the article is just him whining at how mean all the evil progressives are for not letting him ogle women. Seriously. This is the very next paragraph in the article:
This is the kind of study MSNBC commentators can hold up when they’re talking about “rape culture.” Because men are just all Bashar al-Assad and sex is their chemical weapon. Fifty-one percent of the U.S. population is a victimized group now. Don’t you know? Women are like Indians now. You can’t give them a once-over, a polite grin, and be on your way. You can’t notice the fruits of their several-hour morning project of preparing themselves to be looked at. Pretty soon, looking at a woman’s chest will legally be a “hate” crime instead of a love crime.This is staggeringly stupid. Not only does it have nothing to do with the study he cited, it makes comparisons that make no sense at all. "Men are just all Bashar al-Assad and sex is their chemical weapon?" What the fuck kind of point is trying to make here? The part about looking at a woman's chest being a hate crime "instead of a love crime" was clearly him to trying to be witty. Unfortunately, it's not. There's nothing more annoying than a completely witless douchebag who thinks he's clever.
This is what the progressives exist to do. They take away our activities. If it’s an activity and it’s kind of fun or pleasurable, the progressives are going to take it away.Yeah, that's probably why it's the progressives who are calling for bans on porn, regulation of sex in the media, and abstinence-only sex ed. Oh wait, no it's not. It's the social conservatives calling for that. Most progressives don't give a shit about some cretin ogling a hot girl. They care if that girl is being continuously harassed.
Maybe catching a side glance of some cleavage on the subway isn’t for you. Fine. But for those of us who enjoy that, it’s one more thing that we’re allowed to do in this country. I’m not big on skiing, but if I see somebody walking down the street with some skis I’m cool with that. Why ban things that you might want to try sometimeJesus Christ. You cannot be fucking serious right now. There's a huge difference between skiing and looking at a girl's cleavage. One is a fun physical activity that can reduce stress and help you stay in shape. The other is being a classless pig. If I were the owner of a newspaper and one my employees wrote something like that, I would fire his ass on the spot.
I’m not saying looking at tits is any kind of noble pursuit. But it’s one more freedom. It’s one more thing that has been allowed in this country since the time of James Madison and Thomas Jefferson. One more thing that we’re not going to be allowed to do in the progressive future.Yeah, I'm sure that's exactly what Thomas Jefferson and James Madison intended when they wrote the Declaration of Independence. They wanted a country were all the men could stare at women's cleavage and not get in trouble for it.
Ladies, how are you going to feel when the progressives prohibit men from paying you a compliment on your walk from the bar? You know there’s always one friend of yours who waited all night for thatWhere is this happening? Seriously, in what part of the world are guys banned from complimenting a girl on the way home from a bar? In fact, what is this screed about, anyway? Wasn't Howley just bitching about men not being able to stare at girls tits? Because that's a fuck ton of a lot different than complimenting a girl. Holy shit.
Because you realize that when progressives ban things, they don’t just prohibit activities: they set a new rule that goes out through the culture that must be obeyed
And the new rule affects everyone. From the guy who now has to cover his face so as not to look at a hot girl’s tits, to the girl whose tits can no longer be looked at, to the friend of the girl who could have laughed when it happened, to the bar owner standing outside who could have lured them both in for a drink, to the husband’s small business partner who knows the story of how they met and smirks about it over dinner, to the daughter at their 30th anniversary party who decided that she just wanted to be a full-time and raise her kids Christian and send them to private school and she was proud of her decisions in life.So we went from a guy starting at a hot girl's tits to a bar owner who tried to lure them in for a drink (that doesn't sound creepy at all) to a daughter that wanted to raise her kids Christian? Good God! I've seen middle school writing assignments that were constructed better than this! Seriously, how do you jump from guys staring at girls breasts to mothers raising Christian kids at private schools?
This is why conservatives will own the future of this country, and progressive leadership will fall by the wayside. Americans in nursing homes don’t like their activities being taken away. But that nurse who comes in Tuesdays for hip rehabilitation? She’s just fine.That's how the article ends. With a complete non sequitur. Good God this is awful writing.
I am not going to sit here and say that I hate Jewish people because that is not the case nor is this about Jews. It is about Hitler and his side of the story that was never told since he was not the victor. However, those of you with a closed mind can think I am being anti-semite all you want because I already told you that I am not, nor will I repeat myself again. I, just like you, used to view Hitler as an atrocious monster! How could such EVIL exist in this world? As a matter of fact I even made a youtube video a while back showing sympathy for the prisoners of war during WW2 so you cannot say that I am a racist nor anti-semite. I was merely brainwashed just like all of you have been. Sure of course there will always be casualties of war and those of you who oppose my views or want to say hateful things about me for sympathizing with Hitler need to realize just how deep this fucked up propaganda goes in attempts to cover up the true historical facts that took place.
"Satan swallowed me whole. I would spend a decade in his gut. Miraculously, a protective layer prevented my full destruction in the digestive tract of the devil. When my continued presence in his bowel became an irritant, I was passed out onto the street. To be stepped upon and washed away into the gutter."Pay up, folks.
"All I could think about were the magical claims by occultist Alester Crowley that anal sex released a rare form of demonic spirit. In fact, he taught that these devils would be conceived within the anus during sodomy. I believed this wholeheartedly. I wanted these entities to take me over…Then, with no warning, a rush of liquid gushed from my body. It was slimy and mixed with blood. I gave birth to devil I prayed for. In the coming years, it would grow and pitilessly hover about me."I don't know why we still have satire. I mean, you can't parody this! There is no way to make this more absurd.
"I was shocked! I thought you were reasonably intelligent man. I'm a subscriber to your website and I've been listening to you for 20 years, but I can't believe how uninformed and embarrassing you are on Darwin."Rush Limbaugh's being linked with the word, "intelligent." Heh. That's funny. This person must not have been listening very close if thought Rush was "reasonably intelligent man." Great sentence structure, by the way.
"All I said was Charles Darwin and Karl Marx were responsible for more deaths than even global warming."I thought Rush Limbaugh didn't believe in global warming. Did he secretly believe in it all this time and did he just accidentally let the cat out of the bag? Or is some sort of stealth joke? He doesn't believe in global warming, so that means he thinks it has caused zero deaths. Therefore, Darwin and Marx are responsible for more deaths than global warming. If that's the case, than why did he put the word "even" before "global warming?" Phrasing a sentence like that--"x has caused more deaths than even y"--implies that y has caused a lot of deaths, just not as much as x. If so, than global warming must be a big problem if someone who doesn't believe in it thinks it's caused a lot of deaths.
"And, man, survival of the fittest, maybe Darwin didn't say it, you know, frankly, I don't care about Darwin, either."I feel sorry for the comma key on Rush Limbaugh's keyboard. By the way, Darwin didn't say that. That was Francis Galton. "Survival of the fittest" is more or less the theme for Social Darwinism rather than the actual theories of evolution that Darwin came up with. Limbaugh says he doesn't care about Darwin and that's part of the problem. He would know his facts and wouldn't make stupid mistakes like this if he cared enough about the topic he was rambling about to do some proper research. This just makes him look lazy.
"As far as I'm concerned Darwin is corrupt and everybody that believes in Darwinism is corrupt and they present a problem."This is one of the Dittohead King's biggest problems. Not only does he have a black and white view on morality, but everyone he disagrees with falls into the morally black region by default. It's the kind of worldview you have in grade school.
"Well, somebody thinks he said survival of the fittest and so they're running around saying so. So all I said was we know that liberals love Darwin."Um, how are these two statements related, exactly? These are two different topics of debate. You're supposed to make sure that they flow into each other via a smooth transition. Rush Limbaugh just rams the new topic into the old one like a train hitting a brick wall.
"Liberals love anything that allows them to say there's no God. Liberals will go anywhere and support anything if they can use it to say there's no God. Okay, fine. Then they come up and they say survival of the fittest, fine and dandy. Well, then why don't they let survival of the fittest rule in American society? They love Darwin, and they love survival of the fittest except when it comes to America. Now they want equality of outcomes. They don't want survival of the fittest. They want survival of the incompetents. In fact, they want the incompetents to triumph over the competent. They want the incompetent, the incapable, the stupid, to triumph over the genuine creators of wealth and the entrepreneurs, and that's what's wrong with these people. And if Darwin helps them get there, then they'll use it. And man, I'm telling you, a guy called and asked me about Darwin, evolution or whatever, I told him what I think and my e-mail was just overflowing. I almost had to get a satellite account to handle the overflow, Snerdley, and every one of them was arrogant and condescending: "I can't believe how stupid you are. I had so much invested in your intelligence, you really need to reexamine what you think about Darwinism." These people that believe in Darwin are no different than people who have faith in Jesus Christ or Mohammed or what have you. It's fascinating."Wow. I've seen arguments in YouTube comments that were more coherent than this. Go ahead and reread that paragraph before I take apart piece by piece.
"Liberals love anything that allows them to say there's no God. Liberals will go anywhere and support anything if they can use it to say there's no God."Are you sure you can't reword that to make it sound just a little more redundant?
"Then they come up and they survival of the fittest, fine and dandy. Well, then why don't they let survival of the fittest rule in American society?"Because they've learned form the Eugenics Era that that's a bad model for society to operate on…?
"They love Darwin, and they love survival of the fittest except when it comes to America. Now they want equality of outcomes. They don't want survival of the fittest. They want survival of the incompetents."That's not what "equality of outcomes," means.
"In fact, they want the incompetents to triumph over the competent."I'm sure that's exactly why they voted against such genius minds as Louie Gohmert and Michelle Bachmann. They just didn't want such competent and intelligent people in Congress.
"They want the incompetent, the incapable, the stupid, to triumph over the genuine creators of wealth and the entrepreneurs, and that's what's wrong with these people. And if Darwin helps them get there, then they'll use it."So let me get this straight. They love Darwin and survival of the fittest so much that they want the incompetent to triumph over the fittest? That's what Rush Limbaugh is trying to argue here. And earlier, Rush Limbaugh said that survival of the fittest was a corrupt ideology, but now he's saying that liberals are wrong to oppose it even though they support it.
"And man, I'm telling you, a guy called and asked me about Darwin, evolution or whatever, I told him what I think and my e-mail was just overflowing."Whoa! Whiplash! You can't change gears like that in the middle of an argument. These topics don't flow into each other. They pile up on top of each other until the argument becomes one huge coagulated mess.
"I almost had to get a satellite account to handle the overflow, Snerdley, and every one of them was arrogant and condescending"It's like talking into a mirror, isn't it?
"I can't believe how stupid you are. I had so much invested in your intelligence, you really need to reexamine what you think about Darwinism."Mr. Limbaugh, if these people are saying that they had "invested in your intelligence," they probably aren't liberals. In fact, these messages seem to be from your own fans. If your own fans are criticizing you for your massive display of ignorance on the subject of Charles Darwin and evolution…I think that's a sign that you're doing something wrong. You might want to think about that for a few minutes. Oh, unless you have such a huge ego that you think that there's no possible way you could ever be wrong about anything.
"These people that believe in Darwin are no different than people who have faith in Jesus Christ or Mohammed or what have you. It's fascinating."